She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
