dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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