I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
