My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize