You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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