TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
