I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
