I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
