Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize