im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
