I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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