She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
