So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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