i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize