i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
