The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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