dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
