Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
