drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
