i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize