The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
