Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
