What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
