Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wish there were birth control emojis
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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