So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
