doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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