We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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