I swear she didn't look like that last week.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
