so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Actions speak louder than pants.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize