Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
