Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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