Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
