He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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