I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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