so that wasnt chicken after all
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
