im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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