I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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