Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize