it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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