At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
