Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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