The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
