Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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