Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
