Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
