How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
