How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
