please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
