this boner is exhausting
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
