i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We were destined to go to rehab together
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
