I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
