If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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