ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
