I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
