I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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