Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
