I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
