how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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