Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
