God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize