I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am in a vortex of obligation.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
