and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
