It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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